LIVING ALIVE.

Nothing is worse than a person who has already given up.  There can be no help for that person.  Whatever talents, dreams, strengths, he might have shared with the world are lost.  He might be unhappy with his current state but he lacks the moral courage to make the necessary changes required in order to make a positive change in his life.  I recently met up with a friend that I haven’t met in quite a long time.  Our exchange soon became a monologue that went something like this:

“I remember when I used to argue about practically anything.  And I was damn good at it.  Not the arguing per se, but convincing people and winning them over.  I remember when life was fun and the world was mine to conquer.  There were so many things to be discovered, so much good to do.  What changed?  Where did I go wrong?  I have now become docile and easily placated (meaning that I just avoid confrontations of any kind).  I don’t know, is it possible for one’s personality to change so drastically?

 

When was this new ‘me’ born? Was it after getting married?  My husband has never been very talkative and maybe that has something to do with it.  But then, that would be shifting blame and refusing to take personal responsibility for the state of my life.  I think the problem is much deeper than that.  I think that somewhere along the way, I gave up on who I was and I resigned myself to the drudgery of everyday life.  I think that I have been trying to disappear and to erase everything that would prove my existence.

 

How sad, right?  Maybe I should do what others in my position have done time and time again.  I should re-invent myself and get back what I have lost.  But I don’t think am up to it.  It would be too much work and would involve far too many changes than am willing to accommodate.  The truth is, I have grown accustomed to the sheer monotony of my life.  A part of me wants to change but the other doesn’t see the point.  What difference will it make anyway?  All my dreams are shattered and there is nothing left to fight for.”

I was left feeling sad and a bit depressed.  Here was someone beautiful, talented, clever and a social genius(I can never seem to get that last one).  Someone who was a ‘rising star’ back in high school.  Everything seemed to work out in her favour yet this is how she turns out?  The worst part is: she knows she has a problem but she is not willing to do anything about it.

Lamentably, she is not alone.  There are areas in my life that I wish were better and frankly she served as a wake up call.  I do not want to sound that despondent or to wake up one day and realise that I have lost the urge and the will to live.  I believe like Max Ehrmann that:

“With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.”
Strive to be happy.”

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